Two and a Half Men poster
8.4/10 (1982 votes)
#1

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S3:E6

Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

8.4/10 (1541 votes)
#2

Ergo, the Booty Call

S3:E16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

8.3/10 (1625 votes)
#3

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S3:E8

Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

8.3/10 (1681 votes)
#4

Santa's Village of the Damned

S3:E11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

8.3/10 (1542 votes)
#5

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S3:E20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

8.2/10 (1467 votes)
#6

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S3:E14

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

8.1/10 (1578 votes)
#7

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S3:E2

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

8.1/10 (1405 votes)
#8

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S3:E24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

8.0/10 (1506 votes)
#9

Madame and Her Special Friend

S3:E9

One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

8.0/10 (1490 votes)
#10

That Special Tug

S3:E12

Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

7.9/10 (1538 votes)
#11

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S3:E7

Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

7.9/10 (1389 votes)
#12

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

S3:E19

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

7.9/10 (1349 votes)
#13

Just Once with Aunt Sophie

S3:E22

A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

7.8/10 (1526 votes)
#14

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

S3:E1

After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

7.8/10 (1367 votes)
#15

My Tongue is Meat

S3:E15

Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

7.7/10 (1398 votes)
#16

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S3:E3

Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

7.7/10 (1403 votes)
#17

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S3:E4

Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

7.7/10 (1439 votes)
#18

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S3:E5

Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

7.7/10 (1334 votes)
#19

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

S3:E18

Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

7.7/10 (1382 votes)
#20

And the Plot Moistens

S3:E21

Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

7.7/10 (1309 votes)
#21

Arguments for the Quickie

S3:E23

Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

7.6/10 (1356 votes)
#22

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

S3:E13

Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

7.5/10 (1368 votes)
#23

Something Salted and Twisted

S3:E10

Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

7.5/10 (1371 votes)
#24

The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

S3:E17

Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

7.5/10 (1368 votes)
#1

Something Salted and Twisted

S3:E10

Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

7.5/10 (1371 votes)
#2

The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

S3:E17

Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

7.6/10 (1356 votes)
#3

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

S3:E13

Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

7.7/10 (1398 votes)
#4

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S3:E3

Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

7.7/10 (1403 votes)
#5

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S3:E4

Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

7.7/10 (1439 votes)
#6

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S3:E5

Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

7.7/10 (1334 votes)
#7

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

S3:E18

Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

7.7/10 (1382 votes)
#8

And the Plot Moistens

S3:E21

Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

7.7/10 (1309 votes)
#9

Arguments for the Quickie

S3:E23

Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

7.8/10 (1526 votes)
#10

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

S3:E1

After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

7.8/10 (1367 votes)
#11

My Tongue is Meat

S3:E15

Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

7.9/10 (1538 votes)
#12

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S3:E7

Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

7.9/10 (1389 votes)
#13

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

S3:E19

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

7.9/10 (1349 votes)
#14

Just Once with Aunt Sophie

S3:E22

A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

8.0/10 (1506 votes)
#15

Madame and Her Special Friend

S3:E9

One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

8.0/10 (1490 votes)
#16

That Special Tug

S3:E12

Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

8.1/10 (1578 votes)
#17

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S3:E2

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

8.1/10 (1405 votes)
#18

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S3:E24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

8.2/10 (1467 votes)
#19

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S3:E14

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

8.3/10 (1625 votes)
#20

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S3:E8

Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

8.3/10 (1681 votes)
#21

Santa's Village of the Damned

S3:E11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

8.3/10 (1542 votes)
#22

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S3:E20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

8.4/10 (1982 votes)
#23

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S3:E6

Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

8.4/10 (1541 votes)
#24

Ergo, the Booty Call

S3:E16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

7.8/10 (1526 votes)

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

S3:E1

After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

8.1/10 (1578 votes)

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S3:E2

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

7.7/10 (1398 votes)

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S3:E3

Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

7.7/10 (1403 votes)

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S3:E4

Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

7.7/10 (1439 votes)

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S3:E5

Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

8.4/10 (1982 votes)

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S3:E6

Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

7.9/10 (1538 votes)

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S3:E7

Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

8.3/10 (1625 votes)

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S3:E8

Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

8.0/10 (1506 votes)

Madame and Her Special Friend

S3:E9

One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

7.5/10 (1368 votes)

Something Salted and Twisted

S3:E10

Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

8.3/10 (1681 votes)

Santa's Village of the Damned

S3:E11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

8.0/10 (1490 votes)

That Special Tug

S3:E12

Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

7.6/10 (1356 votes)

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

S3:E13

Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

8.2/10 (1467 votes)

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S3:E14

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

7.8/10 (1367 votes)

My Tongue is Meat

S3:E15

Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

8.4/10 (1541 votes)

Ergo, the Booty Call

S3:E16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

7.5/10 (1371 votes)

The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

S3:E17

Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

7.7/10 (1334 votes)

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

S3:E18

Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

7.9/10 (1389 votes)

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

S3:E19

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

8.3/10 (1542 votes)

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S3:E20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

7.7/10 (1382 votes)

And the Plot Moistens

S3:E21

Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

7.9/10 (1349 votes)

Just Once with Aunt Sophie

S3:E22

A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

7.7/10 (1309 votes)

Arguments for the Quickie

S3:E23

Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

8.1/10 (1405 votes)

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S3:E24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

Season Average Rating Episodes Best Episode Worst Episode
3 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.4 Hi, Mr. Horned One
★ 7.5 Something Salted and Twisted
1 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.6 Camel Filters and Pheromones
★ 7.5 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
5 ★ 7.9 19
★ 8.6 Fish in a Drawer
★ 7.6 Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
2 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.7 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
★ 7.3 A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
6 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.7 The Two Finger Rule
★ 7.5 A Jock Strap in Hell
4 ★ 7.8 24
★ 8.6 Walnuts and Demerol
★ 7.5 The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
7 ★ 7.8 22
★ 8.5 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
★ 7.4 I Found Your Moustache
8 ★ 7.7 16
★ 8.4 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
★ 7.2 Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
10 ★ 6.4 23
★ 7.0 I Scream When I Pee
★ 5.6 Grab a Feather and Get in Line
11 ★ 6.4 22
★ 7.2 Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
★ 6.0 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
9 ★ 6.0 24
★ 6.6 Thank You for the Intercourse
★ 5.3 People Who Love Peepholes
12 ★ 5.6 14
★ 5.9 Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
★ 5.2 The Ol' Mexican Spinach