Two and a Half Men poster
8.7/10 (2013 votes)
#1

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

S2:E23

Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

8.7/10 (1777 votes)
#2

The Two Finger Rule

S6:E19

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

8.6/10 (2640 votes)
#3

Camel Filters and Pheromones

S1:E12

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

8.6/10 (1744 votes)
#4

Walnuts and Demerol

S4:E11

Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

8.6/10 (1976 votes)
#5

Fish in a Drawer

S5:E17

CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.

8.5/10 (1600 votes)
#6

The Mooch at the Boo

S6:E9

Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

8.5/10 (1763 votes)
#7

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S7:E8

While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

8.4/10 (1970 votes)
#8

An Old Flame with a New Wick

S1:E18

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

8.4/10 (1896 votes)
#9

Just Like Buffalo

S1:E23

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

8.4/10 (1982 votes)
#10

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S3:E6

Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

8.4/10 (1541 votes)
#11

Ergo, the Booty Call

S3:E16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

8.4/10 (1725 votes)
#12

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S5:E8

Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

8.4/10 (1613 votes)
#13

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S8:E1

When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

8.3/10 (1907 votes)
#14

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S1:E7

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

8.3/10 (1610 votes)
#15

Does This Smell Funny to You?

S2:E24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

8.3/10 (1625 votes)
#16

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S3:E8

Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

8.3/10 (1681 votes)
#17

Santa's Village of the Damned

S3:E11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

8.3/10 (1542 votes)
#18

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S3:E20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

8.3/10 (1576 votes)
#19

Apologies for the Frivolity

S4:E6

Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.

8.3/10 (1421 votes)
#20

Baseball Was Better with Steroids

S6:E24

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

8.2/10 (1548 votes)
#21

Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

S2:E16

When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

8.2/10 (1467 votes)
#22

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S3:E14

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

8.2/10 (1426 votes)
#23

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S4:E20

Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

8.2/10 (1420 votes)
#24

Prostitutes and Gelato

S4:E24

Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

8.2/10 (1356 votes)
#25

She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

S6:E16

Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

8.2/10 (1294 votes)
#26

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S7:E18

Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.

8.1/10 (2603 votes)
#27

Pilot

S1:E1

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

8.1/10 (1740 votes)
#28

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

S1:E19

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

8.1/10 (1682 votes)
#29

Can You Feel My Finger?

S1:E24

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

8.1/10 (1548 votes)
#30

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)

S2:E13

After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. Charlie isn't happy with this, but accepts it. Alan becomes jealous when Judith goes on a date, and asks Charlie to find him a date, so that he can show Judith that he dates as well.

8.1/10 (1648 votes)
#31

It Was Mame, Mom

S2:E18

Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.

8.1/10 (1578 votes)
#32

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S3:E2

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

8.1/10 (1405 votes)
#33

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S3:E24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

8.1/10 (1398 votes)
#34

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S4:E19

Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.

8.1/10 (1407 votes)
#35

The Soil Is Moist

S5:E13

Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.

8.1/10 (1303 votes)
#36

Above Exalted Cyclops

S6:E21

Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.

8.1/10 (1488 votes)
#37

818-jklpuzo

S7:E1

Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

8.1/10 (1291 votes)
#38

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S8:E15

While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.

8.0/10 (1857 votes)
#39

Merry Thanksgiving

S1:E10

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

8.0/10 (1745 votes)
#40

No Sniffing, No Wowing

S1:E21

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

5.2/10 (1116 votes)
#1

The Ol' Mexican Spinach

S12:E1

After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.

5.2/10 (900 votes)
#2

Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.

S12:E5

Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.

5.3/10 (1945 votes)
#3

People Who Love Peepholes

S9:E2

Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.

5.3/10 (1631 votes)
#4

Big Girls Don't Throw Food

S9:E3

Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.

5.3/10 (1031 votes)
#5

A Chic Bar in Ibiza

S12:E2

Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.

5.3/10 (866 votes)
#6

Alan Shot a Little Girl

S12:E6

Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.

5.4/10 (947 votes)
#7

Glamping in a Yurt

S12:E3

Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.

5.5/10 (3719 votes)
#8

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S9:E1

Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

5.5/10 (1163 votes)
#9

Not in My Mouth!

S9:E17

Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.

5.5/10 (915 votes)
#10

Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight

S12:E4

A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.

5.6/10 (1453 votes)
#11

Nine Magic Fingers

S9:E4

Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.

5.6/10 (1320 votes)
#12

The Squat and the Hover

S9:E6

Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

5.6/10 (1082 votes)
#13

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10:E13

Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.

5.6/10 (863 votes)
#14

Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey

S12:E8

Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.

5.6/10 (862 votes)
#15

For Whom the Booty Calls

S12:E11

Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.

5.6/10 (914 votes)
#16

Don't Give a Monkey a Gun

S12:E14

After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.

5.7/10 (1227 votes)
#17

One False Move, Zimbabwe!

S9:E12

Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.

5.7/10 (1043 votes)
#18

The War Against Gingivitis

S9:E18

Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.

5.7/10 (1055 votes)
#19

The Straw in My Donut Hole

S9:E23

Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.

5.7/10 (854 votes)
#20

Boompa Loved His Hookers

S12:E13

Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.

5.8/10 (1361 votes)
#21

A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

S9:E5

Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.

5.8/10 (836 votes)
#22

Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey

S12:E9

Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.

5.8/10 (842 votes)
#23

Here I Come, Pants!

S12:E10

Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.

5.9/10 (1242 votes)
#24

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

S9:E7

Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.

5.9/10 (879 votes)
#25

Sex with an Animated Ed Asner

S12:E7

Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.

5.9/10 (895 votes)
#26

A Beer-Battered Rip-Off

S12:E12

When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.

6.0/10 (1006 votes)
#27

Grandma's Pie

S9:E20

Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.

6.0/10 (946 votes)
#28

Ferrets, Attack!

S10:E6

Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.

6.0/10 (979 votes)
#29

I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

S11:E2

Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty (Carl Reiner).

6.0/10 (910 votes)
#30

This Unblessed Biscuit

S11:E3

Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work. When they suggest her retiring, she grows offended, and as the conversation progresses she quits. Walden and Alan then try different maids, with little success.

6.0/10 (913 votes)
#31

Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

S11:E9

Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.

6.1/10 (982 votes)
#32

Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'

S9:E21

Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey

6.1/10 (1283 votes)
#33

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10:E1

Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.

6.1/10 (1065 votes)
#34

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

S10:E3

Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.

6.1/10 (1185 votes)
#35

Nangnangnangnang

S11:E1

Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.

6.1/10 (930 votes)
#36

Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants

S11:E6

When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.

6.1/10 (825 votes)
#37

Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

S11:E21

Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car.

6.2/10 (1234 votes)
#38

A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

S9:E10

Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.

6.2/10 (995 votes)
#39

A Big Bag of Dog

S10:E2

Zoey and Walden break up, causing Walden to experience a breakdown.

6.2/10 (871 votes)
#40

Another Night with Neil Diamond

S10:E21

Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.

8.1/10 (2603 votes)

Pilot

S1:E1

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

7.7/10 (2143 votes)

Big Flappy Bastards

S1:E2

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

7.7/10 (1993 votes)

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S1:E3

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

7.9/10 (1925 votes)

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S1:E4

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

7.8/10 (1912 votes)

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

S1:E5

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

7.5/10 (1807 votes)

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S1:E6

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

8.3/10 (1907 votes)

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S1:E7

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

7.8/10 (1786 votes)

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S1:E8

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

7.5/10 (1713 votes)

Phase One, Complete

S1:E9

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

8.0/10 (1857 votes)

Merry Thanksgiving

S1:E10

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

7.6/10 (1693 votes)

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S1:E11

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

8.6/10 (2640 votes)

Camel Filters and Pheromones

S1:E12

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

7.6/10 (1677 votes)

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S1:E13

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

7.7/10 (1689 votes)

I Can't Afford Hyenas

S1:E14

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

7.8/10 (1765 votes)

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

S1:E15

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

7.8/10 (1721 votes)

That Was Saliva, Alan

S1:E16

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

7.9/10 (1657 votes)

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

S1:E17

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

8.4/10 (1970 votes)

An Old Flame with a New Wick

S1:E18

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

8.1/10 (1740 votes)

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

S1:E19

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

7.5/10 (1617 votes)

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

S1:E20

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

8.0/10 (1745 votes)

No Sniffing, No Wowing

S1:E21

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

7.8/10 (1624 votes)

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

S1:E22

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

8.4/10 (1896 votes)

Just Like Buffalo

S1:E23

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

8.1/10 (1682 votes)

Can You Feel My Finger?

S1:E24

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

7.9/10 (2021 votes)

Back Off, Mary Poppins

S2:E1

Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.

7.6/10 (1536 votes)

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

S2:E2

Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.

7.9/10 (1599 votes)

A Bag Full of Jawea

S2:E3

Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his several attempts fail every time.

7.9/10 (1504 votes)

Go Get Mommy's Bra

S2:E4

Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. While Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to help her impress a Saudi prince, because she wants to sell him real estate. When Charlie gets his car back, he discovers his mother's bra in the backseat. When he finds out why it's there he decides to trade in his car.

7.6/10 (1527 votes)

Bad News from the Clinic?

S2:E5

Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.

7.8/10 (1482 votes)

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

S2:E6

Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.

7.3/10 (1491 votes)

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

S2:E7

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.

8.0/10 (1512 votes)

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

S2:E8

Alan meets a woman named Nancy at a grocery store, who fulfills every single one of his desires, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake. After knowing Nancy for a few days Alan decides to ask her to marry him, prompting Charlie to try and talk him out of it, and he even gets help from the brothers' mother.

7.7/10 (1536 votes)

Yes, Monsignor

S2:E9

When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, and now has a child. Now he must try to convince Lisa that he's okay with her having a child. While Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing so well in school.

7.9/10 (1518 votes)

The Salmon Under My Sweater

S2:E10

Charlie tries to get Jake's approval on a theme song that he is hired to write for a television show, which is based on a comic book that Jake is a fan. While Alan finds out more about Rose (including how smart she is), when he spends more time with her.

8.0/10 (1558 votes)

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

S2:E11

After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making amends to all those he stood up, but it's harder than it looks when all the women take the apology better than expected.

8.0/10 (1612 votes)

A Lungful of Alan

S2:E12

Alan is jealous of Charlie when an old classmate, who's now a beautiful woman, seems to be more interested in Charlie.

8.1/10 (1548 votes)

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)

S2:E13

After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. Charlie isn't happy with this, but accepts it. Alan becomes jealous when Judith goes on a date, and asks Charlie to find him a date, so that he can show Judith that he dates as well.

7.6/10 (1405 votes)

Those Big Pink Things with Coconut

S2:E14

The brothers throw out their mother, after she insults the way Alan is raising Jake. When Alan and Charlie ignore her phone calls, to get their attention she ends up in the hospital. When Alan and Charlie show up at the hospital they aren't sure if she's faking, and try to call her bluff.

7.8/10 (1438 votes)

Smell the Umbrella Stand

S2:E15

Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.

8.2/10 (1548 votes)

Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

S2:E16

When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

7.8/10 (1525 votes)

Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!

S2:E17

After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining him. The only problem is that he has a history with her that he can't remember. Berta is feed up with Jake's inability to use the bathroom properly, so she decides to make him clean it until he learns.

8.1/10 (1648 votes)

It Was Mame, Mom

S2:E18

Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.

7.8/10 (1496 votes)

A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

S2:E19

After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her out. The problem is that Alan can't get over Sherri's relationship with Charlie.

7.6/10 (1487 votes)

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

S2:E20

Rose tries to help the brothers sort out their feelings, when Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.

7.8/10 (1474 votes)

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

S2:E21

Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry has died. They all attend the funeral, including Jake who is excited at the opportunity of seeing a ""dead guy"". Charlie is excited by the opportunity of a newly single widow, and Alan is just happy to pay his respects to Harry.

7.6/10 (1448 votes)

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

S2:E22

Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts payment by insisting that Alan go on a blind, double date with her, her new beau and his daughter. At the restaurant, Alan learns that his mother and boyfriend will not be able to join them because there was a mixup between his heart medication and Viagra and she didn't want to ""waste it"". As a result, Alan is left to deal with the daughter, who is on a weekend pass from a rehab center and still has some loose screws. Alan eventually gets her back to the beach house only to have her drive off in his new sports car and become the object of a televised high-speed car chase.

8.7/10 (2013 votes)

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

S2:E23

Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

8.3/10 (1610 votes)

Does This Smell Funny to You?

S2:E24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

7.8/10 (1526 votes)

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

S3:E1

After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

8.1/10 (1578 votes)

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S3:E2

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

7.7/10 (1398 votes)

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S3:E3

Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

7.7/10 (1403 votes)

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S3:E4

Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

7.7/10 (1439 votes)

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S3:E5

Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

8.4/10 (1982 votes)

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S3:E6

Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

7.9/10 (1538 votes)

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S3:E7

Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

8.3/10 (1625 votes)

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S3:E8

Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

8.0/10 (1506 votes)

Madame and Her Special Friend

S3:E9

One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

7.5/10 (1368 votes)

Something Salted and Twisted

S3:E10

Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

8.3/10 (1681 votes)

Santa's Village of the Damned

S3:E11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

8.0/10 (1490 votes)

That Special Tug

S3:E12

Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

7.6/10 (1356 votes)

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

S3:E13

Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

8.2/10 (1467 votes)

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S3:E14

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

7.8/10 (1367 votes)

My Tongue is Meat

S3:E15

Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

8.4/10 (1541 votes)

Ergo, the Booty Call

S3:E16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

7.5/10 (1371 votes)

The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

S3:E17

Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

7.7/10 (1334 votes)

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

S3:E18

Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

7.9/10 (1389 votes)

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

S3:E19

Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

8.3/10 (1542 votes)

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S3:E20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

7.7/10 (1382 votes)

And the Plot Moistens

S3:E21

Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

7.9/10 (1349 votes)

Just Once with Aunt Sophie

S3:E22

A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

7.7/10 (1309 votes)

Arguments for the Quickie

S3:E23

Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

8.1/10 (1405 votes)

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S3:E24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

7.6/10 (1396 votes)

Working for Caligula

S4:E1

Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle after Alan moves out of the house. Alan suffers a breakdown after his divorce from Kandi.

7.8/10 (1429 votes)

Who's Vod Kanockers?

S4:E2

Charlie finally tells Alan that he didn't marry Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out of the house, but Alan finds a hole in his logic. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbor who constantly sings all the time, who happens to be Steven Tyler.

7.5/10 (1363 votes)

The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress

S4:E3

Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father.

7.5/10 (1331 votes)

A Pot Smoking Monkey

S4:E4

Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.

7.7/10 (1373 votes)

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

S4:E5

Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage maybe derailed due to Jake’s dislike of his mother’s fiancé.

8.3/10 (1576 votes)

Apologies for the Frivolity

S4:E6

Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.

7.8/10 (1403 votes)

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

S4:E7

Berta's daughter, Naomi is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby’s father. Alan reveals a secret fetish.

7.9/10 (1387 votes)

Release the Dogs

S4:E8

Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.

7.7/10 (1382 votes)

Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

S4:E9

Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Jake is left home alone for the first time.

7.7/10 (1388 votes)

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

S4:E10

Worrying Charlie may get rid of one of them, Berta and Lydia fight over him. Meanwhile, Kandi does everything she can to stop Alan from selling their condo.

8.6/10 (1744 votes)

Walnuts and Demerol

S4:E11

Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

7.6/10 (1345 votes)

Castrating Sheep in Montana

S4:E12

Berta discovers that Alan has been dating her daughter Naomi.

7.6/10 (1327 votes)

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S4:E13

Jake shares that he has heard his mother having sex with her fiancée, Herb; this revelation brings up a repressed memory for Charlie. This leads Charlie to seek help from Rose.

7.7/10 (1360 votes)

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S4:E14

Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.

7.8/10 (1358 votes)

My Damn Stalker

S4:E15

Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.

7.7/10 (1371 votes)

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S4:E16

Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. She invites Alan to meet one of her friends but the men are shocked to learn that they are considered as being "old".

7.5/10 (1304 votes)

I Merely Slept with a Commie

S4:E17

After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend’s funeral, the boys share their feelings that this could also be the case at her funeral. Evelyn tries to prove them wrong by introducing them to a couple she help adopt a boy from China. The boys return fire by inviting the young man to a play date with Jake.

7.6/10 (1312 votes)

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S4:E18

Alan tries to bond with Jake when he realizes that his childhood is almost over. Kandi pursues a career in acting.

8.1/10 (1398 votes)

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S4:E19

Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.

8.2/10 (1426 votes)

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S4:E20

Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

7.7/10 (1352 votes)

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

S4:E21

Alan and Charlie re-examine their sexual identities after Alan befriends Greg, a gay man. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter.

7.7/10 (1284 votes)

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

S4:E22

Jake gets lucky after Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan has a difficult time at the DMV.

8.0/10 (1463 votes)

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'

S4:E23

Charlie is shocked when the handyman working on his house beats him out for Chloe's affections. Alan has no sympathy for Charlie’s distress.

8.2/10 (1420 votes)

Prostitutes and Gelato

S4:E24

Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

7.8/10 (1374 votes)

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S5:E1

Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.

7.8/10 (1325 votes)

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S5:E2

Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.

7.8/10 (1318 votes)

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S5:E3

Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress happens to be one of Charlie’s ex-girlfriends. Charlie's date backfires the following morning, when he ends up in court in front of the judge.

7.9/10 (1312 votes)

City of Great Racks

S5:E4

Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.

7.8/10 (1319 votes)

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S5:E5

Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.

7.7/10 (1376 votes)

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S5:E6

Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.

7.6/10 (1282 votes)

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S5:E7

After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house. Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother.

8.4/10 (1725 votes)

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S5:E8

Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

7.9/10 (1327 votes)

Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids

S5:E9

Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.

8.0/10 (1404 votes)

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S5:E10

Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.

8.0/10 (1359 votes)

Meander to Your Dander

S5:E11

When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.

7.7/10 (1307 votes)

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S5:E12

Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.

8.1/10 (1407 votes)

The Soil Is Moist

S5:E13

Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.

7.9/10 (1337 votes)

Winky-Dink Time

S5:E14

Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.

7.7/10 (1321 votes)

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S5:E15

Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.

7.8/10 (1310 votes)

Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S5:E16

Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.

8.6/10 (1976 votes)

Fish in a Drawer

S5:E17

CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.

7.7/10 (1325 votes)

If My Hole Could Talk

S5:E18

Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan and Jake clash over a project for school.

7.8/10 (1318 votes)

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S5:E19

When Charlie meets Angie's soon to be daughter-in-law, he realizes it's not for the first time.

7.8/10 (1405 votes)

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S6:E1

In the 6th season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend and a child who bears a striking resemblance to Charlie.

7.7/10 (1294 votes)

Pie Hole, Herb

S6:E2

Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.

7.9/10 (1344 votes)

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S6:E3

Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with beer.

7.7/10 (1366 votes)

The Flavin' and the Mavin'

S6:E4

Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist.

7.5/10 (1362 votes)

A Jock Strap in Hell

S6:E5

Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion.

8.0/10 (1285 votes)

It's Always Nazi Week

S6:E6

When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking; Jake is sent to stay with a less-than-willing Charlie for three months during Judith's meltdown.

7.9/10 (1264 votes)

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S6:E7

Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl to pick up women. They later end up going back to Herb's hotel room with two prostitutes, where Herb declares his love for Judith and races over to win her back.

7.7/10 (1260 votes)

Pinocchio's Mouth

S6:E8

Charlie's new girlfriend Chelsea asks him to spend the night at her place, which puts Charlie well outside of his comfort zone, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake initiated by Judith for mooning a group of girls.

8.5/10 (1600 votes)

The Mooch at the Boo

S6:E9

Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

7.6/10 (1245 votes)

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S6:E10

Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake discovers a hidden talent in the culinary arts that may allow him to bypass college altogether.

7.6/10 (1338 votes)

The Devil's Lube

S6:E11

Charlie finds himself re-examining his wild ways when an old friend dies and begins to feel that his time on Earth may be drawing to a close.

8.0/10 (1364 votes)

Thank God for Scoliosis

S6:E12

Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.

7.5/10 (1238 votes)

I Think You Offended Don

S6:E13

Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced he is the father.

8.0/10 (1301 votes)

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S6:E14

Melissa doesn't think Alan's family appreciates him, so she asks him to move in with her and her mom.

7.6/10 (1222 votes)

I'd Like to Start with the Cat

S6:E15

Charlie ends up in couples counseling.

8.2/10 (1356 votes)

She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

S6:E16

Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

7.6/10 (1224 votes)

The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?

S6:E17

Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her

7.6/10 (1226 votes)

My Son's Enormous Head

S6:E18

Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.

8.7/10 (1777 votes)

The Two Finger Rule

S6:E19

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

7.8/10 (1259 votes)

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

S6:E20

Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

8.1/10 (1303 votes)

Above Exalted Cyclops

S6:E21

Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.

7.6/10 (1206 votes)

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

S6:E22

Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much space left in the house for him.

7.7/10 (1249 votes)

Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth

S6:E23

Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.

8.3/10 (1421 votes)

Baseball Was Better with Steroids

S6:E24

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

8.1/10 (1488 votes)

818-jklpuzo

S7:E1

Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

7.8/10 (1275 votes)

Whipped Unto the Third Generation

S7:E2

When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.

7.6/10 (1235 votes)

Mmm, Fish. Yum.

S7:E3

Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail Charlie.

7.6/10 (1219 votes)

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

S7:E4

Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.

7.6/10 (1258 votes)

For the Sake of the Child

S7:E5

Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.

7.9/10 (1252 votes)

Give Me Your Thumb

S7:E6

Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges.

7.9/10 (1286 votes)

Untainted by Filth

S7:E7

Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.

8.5/10 (1763 votes)

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S7:E8

While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

7.7/10 (1233 votes)

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

S7:E9

While Alan struggles to cure his baldness, Charlie deals with the problem that he can't satisfy Chelsea.

7.9/10 (1220 votes)

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S7:E10

Chelsea wants Charlie to take dancing lessons for the wedding, when Charlie uncovers the truth that Chelsea has been lying about her finances.

7.9/10 (1299 votes)

Warning, It's Dirty

S7:E11

Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, while Celeste is away for Christmas.

7.8/10 (1229 votes)

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S7:E12

Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.

7.8/10 (1238 votes)

Yay, No Polyps!

S7:E13

Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he finds her parents at his house.

7.5/10 (1205 votes)

Crude and Uncalled For (1)

S7:E14

Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.

7.5/10 (1207 votes)

Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)

S7:E15

Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.

7.6/10 (1226 votes)

Tinkle Like a Princess

S7:E16

Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.

7.4/10 (1185 votes)

I Found Your Moustache

S7:E17

Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.

8.2/10 (1294 votes)

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S7:E18

Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.

7.7/10 (1190 votes)

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S7:E19

Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.

7.6/10 (1248 votes)

I Called Him Magoo

S7:E20

Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience"

7.9/10 (1305 votes)

Gumby with a Pokey

S7:E21

Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.

7.8/10 (1224 votes)

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S7:E22

Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension.

8.4/10 (1613 votes)

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S8:E1

When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

7.9/10 (1311 votes)

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S8:E2

Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.

7.8/10 (1278 votes)

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S8:E3

After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.

8.0/10 (1356 votes)

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S8:E4

Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.

7.6/10 (1275 votes)

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S8:E5

Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.

8.0/10 (1354 votes)

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S8:E6

Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.

7.7/10 (1246 votes)

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S8:E7

Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.

7.7/10 (1247 votes)

Springtime on a Stick

S8:E8

Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell the pharmacist.

8.0/10 (1274 votes)

A Good Time in Central Africa

S8:E9

When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husband.

7.4/10 (1239 votes)

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S8:E10

When Charlie's ex-girlfriend Courtney is released from prison, he treats her to the good life despite her having been in prison for conning him.

7.4/10 (1184 votes)

Dead from the Waist Down

S8:E11

Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.

7.2/10 (1190 votes)

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S8:E12

Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).

7.6/10 (1207 votes)

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

S8:E13

Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.

7.6/10 (1203 votes)

Lookin' for Japanese Subs

S8:E14

Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts.

8.1/10 (1291 votes)

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S8:E15

While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.

7.5/10 (1352 votes)

That Darn Priest

S8:E16

Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.

5.5/10 (3719 votes)

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S9:E1

Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

5.3/10 (1945 votes)

People Who Love Peepholes

S9:E2

Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.

5.3/10 (1631 votes)

Big Girls Don't Throw Food

S9:E3

Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.

5.6/10 (1453 votes)

Nine Magic Fingers

S9:E4

Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.

5.8/10 (1361 votes)

A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

S9:E5

Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.

5.6/10 (1320 votes)

The Squat and the Hover

S9:E6

Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

5.9/10 (1242 votes)

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

S9:E7

Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.

6.6/10 (1353 votes)

Thank You for the Intercourse

S9:E8

When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.

6.4/10 (1324 votes)

Frodo's Headshots

S9:E9

Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.

6.2/10 (1234 votes)

A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

S9:E10

Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.

6.3/10 (1172 votes)

What a Lovely Landing Strip

S9:E11

Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.

5.7/10 (1227 votes)

One False Move, Zimbabwe!

S9:E12

Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.

6.6/10 (1160 votes)

Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

S9:E13

Walden’s ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.

6.3/10 (1088 votes)

A Possum on Chemo

S9:E14

Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.

6.4/10 (1128 votes)

The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

S9:E15

Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.

6.6/10 (1102 votes)

Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

S9:E16

Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.

5.5/10 (1163 votes)

Not in My Mouth!

S9:E17

Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.

5.7/10 (1043 votes)

The War Against Gingivitis

S9:E18

Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.

6.3/10 (1014 votes)

Palmdale, Ech

S9:E19

Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.

6.0/10 (1006 votes)

Grandma's Pie

S9:E20

Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.

6.1/10 (982 votes)

Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'

S9:E21

Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey

6.3/10 (1095 votes)

Why We Gave Up Women

S9:E22

Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.

5.7/10 (1055 votes)

The Straw in My Donut Hole

S9:E23

Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.

6.4/10 (1066 votes)

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S9:E24

Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.

6.1/10 (1283 votes)

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10:E1

Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.

6.2/10 (995 votes)

A Big Bag of Dog

S10:E2

Zoey and Walden break up, causing Walden to experience a breakdown.

6.1/10 (1065 votes)

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

S10:E3

Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.

6.5/10 (1189 votes)

You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For

S10:E4

Walden starts to feel his age when a friend's daughter comes to town.

6.4/10 (976 votes)

That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam

S10:E5

Despite Alan's warnings, Walden starts dating Rose.

6.0/10 (946 votes)

Ferrets, Attack!

S10:E6

Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.

6.3/10 (1049 votes)

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

S10:E7

When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi (Miley Cyrus) at the beach house.

6.5/10 (997 votes)

Something My Gynecologist Said

S10:E8

Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.

7.0/10 (1015 votes)

I Scream When I Pee

S10:E9

Alans famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.

6.9/10 (983 votes)

One Nut Johnson

S10:E10

Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.

6.7/10 (960 votes)

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10:E11

Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.

6.3/10 (941 votes)

Welcome to Alancrest

S10:E12

Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.

5.6/10 (1082 votes)

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10:E13

Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.

6.6/10 (934 votes)

Run, Steven Staven! Run!

S10:E14

Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.

6.8/10 (978 votes)

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10:E15

When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.

6.3/10 (872 votes)

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10:E16

Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.

6.3/10 (899 votes)

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10:E17

When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.

6.4/10 (894 votes)

The 9:04 from Pemberton

S10:E18

After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.

6.8/10 (970 votes)

Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon

S10:E19

Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.

6.9/10 (1076 votes)

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10:E20

Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.

6.2/10 (871 votes)

Another Night with Neil Diamond

S10:E21

Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.

6.4/10 (896 votes)

My Bodacious Vidalia

S10:E22

With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.

6.4/10 (969 votes)

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10:E23

Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.

6.1/10 (1185 votes)

Nangnangnangnang

S11:E1

Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.

6.0/10 (979 votes)

I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

S11:E2

Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty (Carl Reiner).

6.0/10 (910 votes)

This Unblessed Biscuit

S11:E3

Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work. When they suggest her retiring, she grows offended, and as the conversation progresses she quits. Walden and Alan then try different maids, with little success.

6.3/10 (940 votes)

Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

S11:E4

Alan and Lyndsey's illicit relationship becomes jeopardized when one of Lyndsey's man-hunting friends, Stephanie (Jennifer Aspen), asks if they are back together. The two staunchly deny it, then Lyndsey insists that Alan make a date with Stephanie so that she will believe their lie. Alan meets her for an uncomfortable date, which nevertheless leads to sex, causing Lyndsey to get mad and leave Alan again.

6.3/10 (909 votes)

Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003

S11:E5

Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.

6.1/10 (930 votes)

Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants

S11:E6

When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.

6.5/10 (938 votes)

Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie

S11:E7

Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.

6.2/10 (854 votes)

Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.

S11:E8

Alan and Lyndsey’s illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose’s help.

6.0/10 (913 votes)

Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

S11:E9

Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.

6.3/10 (926 votes)

On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!

S11:E10

Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.

6.5/10 (948 votes)

Tazed in the Lady Nuts

S11:E11

Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk losing her.

6.3/10 (857 votes)

Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.

S11:E12

Lyndsey's boyfriend sets Alan up on a date; Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.

6.2/10 (891 votes)

Bite Me, Supreme Court

S11:E13

Marty Pepper (Carl Reiner) proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.

6.2/10 (833 votes)

Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe

S11:E14

Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.

6.2/10 (830 votes)

Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

S11:E15

Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.

6.6/10 (863 votes)

How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

S11:E16

Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).

6.6/10 (861 votes)

Welcome Home, Jake

S11:E17

Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.

6.5/10 (842 votes)

West Side Story

S11:E18

Walden gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's boutique opening. Meanwhile, Gretchen wants to spend more time at Alan's (a.k.a. Jeff Strongman) house.

7.1/10 (999 votes)

Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

S11:E19

After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).

7.2/10 (960 votes)

Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

S11:E20

Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.

6.1/10 (825 votes)

Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

S11:E21

Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car.

6.5/10 (918 votes)

Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

S11:E22

Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.

5.2/10 (1116 votes)

The Ol' Mexican Spinach

S12:E1

After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.

5.3/10 (1031 votes)

A Chic Bar in Ibiza

S12:E2

Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.

5.4/10 (947 votes)

Glamping in a Yurt

S12:E3

Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.

5.5/10 (915 votes)

Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight

S12:E4

A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.

5.2/10 (900 votes)

Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.

S12:E5

Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.

5.3/10 (866 votes)

Alan Shot a Little Girl

S12:E6

Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.

5.9/10 (879 votes)

Sex with an Animated Ed Asner

S12:E7

Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.

5.6/10 (863 votes)

Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey

S12:E8

Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.

5.8/10 (836 votes)

Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey

S12:E9

Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.

5.8/10 (842 votes)

Here I Come, Pants!

S12:E10

Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.

5.6/10 (862 votes)

For Whom the Booty Calls

S12:E11

Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.

5.9/10 (895 votes)

A Beer-Battered Rip-Off

S12:E12

When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.

5.7/10 (854 votes)

Boompa Loved His Hookers

S12:E13

Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.

5.6/10 (914 votes)

Don't Give a Monkey a Gun

S12:E14

After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.

0.0/10

Of Course He's Dead (1)

S12:E15

Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

0.0/10

Of Course He's Dead (2)

S12:E16

Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

Season Average Rating Episodes Best Episode Worst Episode
3 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.4 Hi, Mr. Horned One
★ 7.5 Something Salted and Twisted
1 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.6 Camel Filters and Pheromones
★ 7.5 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
5 ★ 7.9 19
★ 8.6 Fish in a Drawer
★ 7.6 Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
2 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.7 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
★ 7.3 A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
6 ★ 7.9 24
★ 8.7 The Two Finger Rule
★ 7.5 A Jock Strap in Hell
4 ★ 7.8 24
★ 8.6 Walnuts and Demerol
★ 7.5 The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
7 ★ 7.8 22
★ 8.5 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
★ 7.4 I Found Your Moustache
8 ★ 7.7 16
★ 8.4 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
★ 7.2 Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
10 ★ 6.4 23
★ 7.0 I Scream When I Pee
★ 5.6 Grab a Feather and Get in Line
11 ★ 6.4 22
★ 7.2 Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
★ 6.0 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
9 ★ 6.0 24
★ 6.6 Thank You for the Intercourse
★ 5.3 People Who Love Peepholes
12 ★ 5.6 14
★ 5.9 Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
★ 5.2 The Ol' Mexican Spinach